The first time I became aware of my isolated position on this planet was when the Spice Girls left South America after performing in just one gig in Brazil. It has been one of the most disappointing moments in my life as a fangirl.
Me and my friend were crazy fans. We danced to the songs, imitating the moves from the videos. We used to sing along every single song. Since the lyrics weren’t available and our English hadn’t developed, we just sang what we heard. The very same name of the band was pronounced Espáis Guerls, in a very Latin way, but no one seemed to be embarrassed. We were too poor to buy the cassette tape, so we got a pirate version from a classmate who had a modern radio with a CD player.
One day, we read in some magazine that the Spice Girls would arrive in South America. Yay! We got excited. Who would think these glamorous girls would visit this distant part of the world? There was no time to lose: saving money was the immediate task.
I had never attended a concert. I was just thirteen, so it was an unlikely situation. Neither had I been to a stadium. I was ignorant of the process of buying a ticket. But I thought I’d make it. I had an intuition. I had saved a bit of money to purchase cassette tapes. I thought it was enough.
I started buying magazines to keep myself informed. Nothing. Days went by, and I heard no news of the possible gig. I was still excited. However, I started to get worried. Why weren’t people talking about this historical moment? Why did the magazines get silent? I was running out of money. Well, if I didn’t have money, I could sell the magazines, right?
One night I heard it. They had performed in Brazil. Yay! But…
They left Brazil and didn’t come to my country.
Really?
I couldn’t believe it.
I was astonished. How was it possible? How could they forget us? They left South America. And us? Why not us? Why? Me and my friend were disappointed. And for the first time in my life, I started questioning the very existence of my country. Did it even exist? What if it was an invention of cartographers and geographers? There was no other answer to explain what was going on.
That’s how I realised how far from everything I am. I saw the immensity of the ocean and thought of the other side of the world. I felt small and ignored. The world is big, and I didn’t know it. Not even learning the capital cities by heart showed me the distance between two points on Earth.
I talked to my friend. Disappointment. We had to say goodbye to our cherished dream. But for me, it was something deeper. I feel betrayed. I was a real fan. I couldn’t understand. At the same time, I realised that they couldn’t visit every single country in the world. But it would have been nice to have them here.
That feeling accompanies me until today. Every time I read my favourite singers and bands announcing their new tours, I know it’s unlikely that they will come. Although I’ve been lucky to attend some gigs, I relate to the general feeling that South America is far away from everything. Dear musicians, don’t ever forget us!
Constanza Baeza Valdenegro was born in 1985. She lives in the Chilean countryside. She enjoys tennis, learning languages, 90s nostalgia, stationery, handwritten letters, pastel colors and winter sunsets. Her favorite Spice Girls song is Too Much.
