Internal Memo Archive (October 6–10, 2003)
*Recovered from the digital archives of Block, Abrams, and Muldoon before the agency’s
2004 IT policy overhaul restricting use of reply-all. *
— MONDAY —
From: Agency Food Nook <foodnook@blockabramsmuldoon.com>
Sent: Monday, October 6, 2003 9:12 AM
To: All Agency Staff
Subject: TODAY’S OFFERING: DOVER SOLE DELIGHT
Ahoy, mateys! Climb aboard our skiff as we head down the Atlantic coast to enjoy some
fresh Dover Sole!
*Broiled in butter*, with a *touch of freshly-squeezed lemon*, served atop a *fluffy rice
pilaf* with *haricots verts* on the side.
Served: 12:00–2:00 pm in the Nook
Hurry—this one will go fast!
— TUESDAY —
From: Agency Food Nook <foodnook@blockabramsmuldoon.com>
Sent: Tuesday, October 7, 2003 9:17 AM
To: All Agency Staff
Subject: TODAY’S OFFERING: TAMALES!
[HISPANIC HERITAGE DAY – CELEBRATE DIVERSITY IN FLAVOR]
Chicken tamales with *roasted green tomatillo sauce*, served with *arroz Mexicano* and
*refried beans*.
Give your palate a bit of *¡Aye Caramba!* with this savory regional dish!
Served: 12:00–2:00 pm in the Nook
Paul Sturm <paul.sturm@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:43 AM):
*Sounds heavenly.* Are the tamals made with *organic masa*?
Also, “*arroz Mexicano*” can mean just about anything. Is it flavored with poblano? Or
just dyed with *Yellow #5*?
*Lastly*—and I say this with deep respect for legume culture—*a bean dish may not be
appropriate for the workplace.*
— WEDNESDAY —
From: Agency Food Nook <foodnook@blockabramsmuldoon.com>
Sent: Wednesday, October 8, 2003 9:10 AM
To: All Agency Staff
Subject: TODAY’S OFFERING: ASSASSIN’S SPAGHETTI
A special, *fire-roasted blend of Calabrian peppers*, pan-fried with *Mrs. Bering’s
Pomodoro Sauce™* and *bronze-died bucatini pasta*.
Topped with *Kraft® Parmesan cheese.
Served: 12:00–2:00 pm in the Nook
Jenna Reinhardt <jenna.reinhardt@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:21 AM):
Is bucatini the pasta with the hole in the middle?
Arjun Sethi <arjun.sethi@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:26 AM):
Is there a *gluten-free option*?
Paul Sturm <paul.sturm@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:32 AM):
Forgive me, but I am *deeply skeptical*.
Red Flag: Who is *Mrs. Bering* and why have I never heard of her sauce? Is it from a
jar? What part of Calabria are the peppers from? Kraft Parmesan? You mean the green
*shaker can?* *Hard pass.*
— THURSDAY —
From: Agency Food Nook <foodnook@blockabramsmuldoon.com>
Sent: Thursday, October 9, 2003 9:06 AM
To: All Agency Staff
Subject: TODAY’S OFFERING: HOEMADE McGILLICUDDY STEW
*Begorah!* It’s *St. Paddy’s Day in Autumn* with our McGillicuddy Stew
*Chunks of sirloin, potatoes, carrots, and onions*, swimming in *thick rich gravy*.
Served with saltines.
Noon – 2pm in the Nook. Get it while it’s hot.
Kyle Mendez <kyle.mendez@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:10 AM):
Was this… intentional? “Hoemade”?
Not judging—just want to understand tone and context before I dip my bread in it.
Fiona Markell <fiona.markell@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:12 AM):
Whose recipe is this?—*Does it include bog myrtle and samphire?*
Leon Bako <leon.bako@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:13 AM):
This seems *too filling* for me. I don’t eat potatoes.
Rina Kapoor <rina.kapoor@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:14 AM):
*What’s wrong with potatoes? Say “I’m a bigot” without saying “I’m a bigot.”
Sheena Lopez <sheena.lopez@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (11:09 AM):
Wait. Did anyone else see “hoemade”? Because I can’t unsee it.
Leon Bako <leon.bako@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:15 AM):
*I AM NOT RACIST!* I wear green every St. Patrick’s Day. Potatoes give me hives.
Darren Pollack <darren.pollack@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:17 AM):
Is it McGillicuddy or... *Mulligatawny?*
Loretta Chung loretta.chung@blockabramsmuldoon.com (9:46 AM):
SORRY I MEANT COCKER SPANIELS NOT WHATEVER YOU THINK I MEANT.
PLEASE STOP EMAILING ME. I’M GETTING MIGRAINES.
From: Agency Food Nook <foodnook@blockabramsmuldoon.com>
Sent: Thursday, October 9, 2003 9:19 AM
To: All Agency Staff
Subject: RE: McGillicuddy Stew
PLEASE TAKE THIS CONVERSATION OFFLINE.
Katie Bell <katie.bell@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:26 AM):
I know this sounds *crazy*, but is it possible to prepare a *beef-free portion*?
Carla Glick <carla.glick@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:28 AM):
My in-laws are from Ireland. *County Clare.*
Cheryl Wexler <cheryl.wexler@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:22 AM):
I have a recipe for authentic matzo ball soup. Real Ashkenazi gold!
Page me: *845-831-8111*
Troy Winterhalter <troy.winterhalter@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:23 AM):
PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THREAD.
Paul Sturm <paul.sturm@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:25 AM):
Quick Q: Is the beef *Prime*, *Choice*, or are we talking *Utility cuts like Dinty
Moore™*?
Dan Hirsch <dan.hirsch@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:29 AM):
This reminds me of my *mother’s cholent*. Hi Mom!
Bruce Stensby <bruce.stensby@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:30 AM):
How big are the bowls? *Does it freeze well?*
Loretta Chung <loretta.chung@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:31 AM):
MY DOG HAD PUPPIES!!! COCKA-DOODLES. ALL CUTE. EMAIL ME!!!!
— FRIDAY —
From: Agency Food Nook <foodnook@blockabramsmuldoon.com>
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2003 9:03 AM
To: All Agency Staff
Subject: TODAY’S OFFERING
Cheeseburger and Fries.
Served on a bun.
THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE MEAL
**NO REPLIES. NO QUESTIONS. NO MODIFICATIONS.**
From: Agency Food Nook <foodnook@blockabramsmuldoon.com>
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2003 9:42 AM
To: All Agency Staff
Subject: Update Regarding Agency Food Nook Emails
NOTICE TO ALL STAFF
Effective immediately, the “Reply All” function for Agency Food Nook emails has
been DISABLED.
We appreciate your enthusiasm regarding our daily culinary offerings, but due to volume,
sensitivity concerns, and ongoing confusion over the McGillicuddy typo and canine
references… we are returning to a *one-way notification system*.
Future menu items will continue to be distributed at 9:00 AM daily. No responses will be
monitored.
—The Office of Internal Services
Block, Abrams, and Muldoon NY
Paul Sturm <paul.sturm@blockabramsmuldoon.com> (9:47 AM):
*Just one question. Is the cheddar plant-based?* I am lactose intolerant but can handIe
a nice Stilton.
**SYSTEM NOTICE:**
*Delivery failed. Your message could not be sent. This mailbox is no longer accepting
replies.*
Patrick Carella writes fiction and creative nonfiction about family, memory, advertising, obsession, and the strange dignity of American life. He is an MFA candidate at the University of Texas at El Paso. His work has appeared in Wicked Shadow Press, CafeLit, Gorko Gazette, and is forthcoming in BULL, Hobart, The Eunoia Review, Panorana, and The Hooghly Review. He lives in Cornwall-on-Hudson, New York, with his wife and their pit bulls, who remain unimpressed by literary publication.
