Boys and Halo

        Why can’t I play with the boys at school? I have to sit on the curb while they tackle each
other, white uniform shirts stained green, occasionally red. They ignore me as they walk past,
Matt hanging back for just a moment, hovering above me until the group is just out of earshot.
        “Are you still comin’ after school?”
        I nod, keeping my eyes focused on the concrete.
        “‘Kay, we’re going to Connor’s, ‘cuz my mom took away my games.”
        He runs off toward the group before I can say anything. Their silence is new. The summer
between fifth and sixth grade created an unmanageable gap between boys who suddenly believe
in cooties again and me. My best friends from kindergarten, dropping me for some new group of
guys they didn’t even know until summer camp. This summer! But today that doesn’t matter.
Before class, Matt slipped me a note asking if I wanted to come play Halo with them after
school, but to please not tell anyone. If it means I can play Connor’s Xbox, I can keep my mouth
shut.
        When the walkers get excused, I find Matt and Connor waiting for me outside. They
glance around like we’re about to go on a spy mission before turning toward the road.
        “‘Kay, let’s go.”
        I walk behind them, boxed off of the sidewalk as they walk shoulder to shoulder. They
walk in usual silence until we round the block, cutting the school off from view. As soon as it’s
out of sight, Connor whirls around, face scrunched against the sun.
        “Have you played it yet?”
        “Played what?”
        “Frickin’ Halo!”
        I shake my head.
        “Duuuude… it rocks.”
        Matt turns to look at me, one side of his collar upturned like a curious dog’s ear.
        “Did your mom say no too? My mom said way the hell no, ‘cuz it’s too violent with
shooting and stuff.”
        “Yeah, mine too.”
        “You played Doom though!” Connor interjects, shooting me with an imaginary gun.
        “Yeah, she doesn’t know about that though.”
        I’ve managed to figure out how to hide games on the computer at twelve, while my mom
can barely check her email. Benefits of having old parents.
        “That’s ‘cuz she’s a real hacker.”
        Matt thumps me on the shoulder, the first time he’s touched me at all since school started.
The sky is completely clear, a deep blue that makes the houses look almost fake. The wind
presses my uniform skirt tight against my knees. We turn onto Connor’s street, dashing madly
toward the house once we see Connor’s mom on the porch.
        “Hi Mrs. O’Brien!”
        “Hi mom.”
        “Hi boys, hi Maeve. How’s your mom doing, sweetheart?”
        Mrs O’Brien ushers us inside while waiting for my answer. Her house smells like vanilla,
so strongly a headache immediately starts to form at my temples.
        “She’s okay, she’s home now.”
        “That’s good to hear. Tell her I said I’m glad she’s doing better.”
        She walks us down to the basement and sits us on the couch, bringing us water and cut
fruit while Connor unpacks his backpack, scattering folders and homework across the carpet.
        “I just put the baby down for a nap so please try to keep it down out here. Seriously,
young man, don’t roll your eyes at me.”
        Connor huffs. “Okayyuh, mom, God. Can you go now?”
        “I mean it. No screaming and no cursing. Be good boys. And Maeve.”
She gives me a wink before walking up the stairs, her slippers swishing softly on the
carpet.
        “‘Kay, let’s do this.”
        Connor pushes himself up, running across the room to shut off the lights before running
back to the tv, planting himself in front of the Xbox and thumbing the CD drive open to show us
the disc.
        “Pretty awesome huh?”
        “Won’t know until we play,” Matt smiles, revealing the gap his two front teeth never
came back to fill. Connor presses the disc back into the drive, and we watch as electronic pulses
crackle out from the speakers, our faces bathed in green light in the darkness of the basement. He
navigates to a save file, summoning a groan from Matt.
        “You didn’t wait for me?”
        “You didn’t wait for me with Silent Hill!”
        “Shut up!” I lean forward as the screen goes black, the light changing from green to blue
as a slice of light glides across the room. Connor plugs in two more controllers and we gather on
the ground, peering up at his freakishly huge tv. We sit so closely I can feel the heat emanating
from it. A chorus of voices, soft at first, fills the room. We sit there silently for maybe a minute,
letting the music rise, our hands twitching with anticipation. Connor, eager to play, or more
likely, to show off how good he is, selects the multiplayer button, cutting off the music as the
game loads.
        “Wait, how do I even play?”
        “Figure it out!”
        Matt looks over at me, shrugging. At least he doesn’t know either. The map loads,
sending a canyon sprawling before us. Matt and I start pressing frantically at our controllers,
trying to figure out how to shoot and run before Connor can kill us. After nearly blowing myself
up with a grenade, I manage to shoot at the wall of the canyon before making my way toward the
center of the map, hunting for my friends. Gunfire erupts as Connor takes out Matt, who is still
trying to figure out how to stop jumping.
        “Not fair! You peeked.”
        “I did not! I could see you.”
        I crouch behind a squat grey structure, watching as Connor leaps onto an ATV and
accelerates away, driving further down the canyon. I train my sights onto him, letting off a single
shot just as Matt bumps me with his shoulder, sending the beam soaring over his head into the
starry, light blue sky.
        “Can’t catch me!” He taunts. I huff, sprinting toward Matt and Connor, their green figures
disappearing behind a hill. I crest it, only to be met with overwhelming fire from them. My body
ragdolls instantly, sliding down the hill as they giggle.
        “You guys are teaming, this is so not fair.”
        “No we aren’t! Watch.”
        Connor shoots at Matt, who slams his thumb wildly against the controller to avoid the
shots. “What the hell dude, you said we were—”
        “Shut up!”
        Connor smacks Matt’s controller out of his hands, going in for the kill as Matt scrambles
to recover it.
        “You are such a jerk, you know.”
        “If you don’t like it, go play it at home.”
        “UGH!”
        Matt smacks at Connor’s controller, leaving me time to take out each as they take turns
hitting each other with increasing force.
        “Just, stop, Maeve don’t—”
        Matt and Connor abandon their controllers, devolving into a full shoving match. I shift
away slowly, still clutching the controller in one hand, wondering if I should take advantage or to
let the finish. A loud creak sounds from the basement steps, freezing both boys in place.
Connor’s older sister Ashley peeks down, her heavy bangs virtually obscuring her eyes.
        “What are you idiots doing?”
        “Whatever, get out!”
        Ashley hops down the stairs, pointing to the door that has ASHLEY painted on it. “You
know I live down here, right?”
Connor grunts before giving Matt one last shove and recovering his controller.
        “Um, no, I’m not gonna listen to you guys shooting stuff while I do my homework. Go
play outside or something.”
        She sticks her tongue out at Connor, likely knowing that’ll just make him angrier. I’m
mad too, that we don’t get to play, but I’m grateful she at least made them stop hitting each other.
        “Mom said we could, so sucks for you.”
        “Did mom say you could beat each other up? Or team up against poor Maeve?”
        “OH MY GOD! WHAT! EVER!”
        Connor throws his controller at the ground before stomping up the basement steps and
slamming the door. Matt hesitates for a moment, looking between me and Ashley before running
up after him. Ashley rolls her eyes before throwing herself onto the couch, picking up Connor’s
discarded controller.
        “He’s a dweeb anyways. You still wanna play?”
        I nod, staring at her awkwardly for a few seconds before turning back to the tv. Ashley is
seventeen, and goth or something, which makes her way cooler than me. If I can’t even talk to
the other sixth grade girls, I don’t know how I’m going to talk to her. We play in silence for a
few minutes, gunfire cracking out from the speakers as we chase each other around the map,
occasionally taking out Matt’s character for fun. Without turning to look at her, I summon the
courage to ask her a question.
        “Are they always going to be like that?”
        “Who, Connor and Matt?”
        “Yeah. Boys.”
        “No. Yeah. I dunno,” she rests the controller on her knees. “Probably. They haven’t really
gotten any better in high school. Are they givin’ you trouble or something?”
        I shrug.
        “Some boys are just shitheads. Connor hit puberty and now he thinks he’s all that. He’s
not. He still sleeps with his baby blankie.”
        She smiles, miming him cuddling with his blanket, making me giggle.
        “He’s probably gonna treat you like you have two heads for a while. If he’s smart, he’ll
grow out of it. But I’ll warn you, he’s pretty dumb.”
        “Did they grow out of it for you?”
        “The guys in my class? Not really. I’ll let you know if college is any better. My advice?
You don’t need ‘em.”
        “Hm.”
        I run around the map for a while, daring occasionally to glance back at her. She’s just
so… cool. I wish I could feel how she feels, like she doesn’t need them, or anybody, probably. I
bet when I’m older I’ll feel that way too. She sticks her tongue out at me and I realize I’ve been
staring for way too long.
        “Focus, kid. I’m beatin’ the shit outta you right now. Don’t worry about them, let’s play.”

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